XOXO

Life List aka Bucket list…

2012-01-08T19:51:00.000-08:00

(In no particular order and subject to change as dream and grow as a person)
Go to the Carnival in Rio de Janeiro
Rent an RV and travel the US with someone I love. So I can see the world’s largest ball of string.... grand canyon, eat a Philly cheese steaks and Texas barbecue.. and See a real Broadway play and
Work with or raise money for sick or under privileged children
World cruise
Take a romantic walk on a beach on an island and watch a beautiful sunset.
Plan a wildly Romantic picnic for two
Visit a physic
Rent a beach house for a romantic weekend and stay in bed the whole time ;)
Go to Cirque du Soleil, Sky dive, and Join a book club
Ski Dive
Be swept of my feet by a beautiful woman
Alaskan Cruise, Go to Disney World, vacation in Fiji, Visit Paris and Australia
Dinah shore before I am too old…
Plan a romantic dinner for two on a roof top overlooking the city.
See Halley’s Comet one more time. It will come back in 2061 I will be 83 ;)
Go on an African Safari the kind where they tell you not to move or you are risking attack.
Romantic kiss in the rain (ok I read that somewhere but it’s now on my bucket list)
I want to rent a beach house on Cape Cod
I want to visit Ireland and drink in pubs
Learn to play golf, Take a couples cooking class
Get married to a beautiful, intelligent, sexy, nurturing woman who loves me just for me.(maybe 12-12-12)
Build a tree house in my back yard (for me) Build a sand castle at the beach and a snow fort like I did when I was a kid
Have a vegetable garden
Rent a bunch of 80s movies and watch them all day….
Host an elegant dinner party… where everyone gets dressed up and we eat great food and can put our elbows on the table and talk about non politically correct stuff and discuss pornography :) Hey it’s my list!!
Before I die... I want to lay in this bed....
And this ;)

I love you... you and oh yeah you!!!!

2011-12-19T22:39:00.000-08:00

I have had a bit of writer’s block lately… I’ve have worked on this blog for over a month and it wasn’t coming together… I now realize it was because I was writing two blog topics in one and they weren’t meshing… This blog will be more about my dating and relationship observations. These observations have been in my own dating/relationships as well as many of my lesbian friends and their relationships. So I believe I do have some insight and not completely talking out my ass.:)
I want to say before I get started that these are my observations my experiences and no lesbian's were harmed during the testing… This is also in general so if you are an ex reading this check the ego and calm down its not always all about you:)... Gee who knows you might of been one of the good ones I will mention in another blog hahaha:) But truthfully I actually love love women and respect most of them greatly. I think women in general can be incredibly sexy and I believe they can have a lot to offer… I know within some of my close lesbian friendships these women are intelligent, warm and want the same things in life and love as I do. I would also venture to say that even if I had a magic wand I would stay gay. I would continue to embrace and go on what has become my bumpy journey of love to find the right beautiful, sexy, intelligent, confident woman. I know she’s out there. ;) Now that is said here is my bumpy journey….
This started when I noticed I was going out with the same kind of woman in a different body time after time…. So it was either me or my relationship “picker” that was off and/or I had some kind of sign on my forehead that said pick me bring all of your baggage and leftover relationships issues oh and if you have major childhood traumas or issues that you can’t let go of in your adult life that’s even better. Ha-Ha…. Ok I know I need to take some of the responsibility for this happening as well. Because if I am truly honest and fair to you… I have to admit that for a long time I was one of those "I can fix you” kind of people… or the oh “well now that you met me I will make it all better” people.. Or the Oh “you poor thing you just haven’t been loved by anyone so let me show you what real love is” person… I am gagging as I type this crap… but I am so guilty of a big heart and seeing the good in everyone…. That I have invited these women in more than once... So after a handful of these women you start to reevaluate what you want and who you want. I had decided no more broken ladies for me… Only whole women with big hearts that have the capacity to actually love back….Strong beautiful capable women… A great body and sexy rack is good too Hahaha. (My perv side comes out sometimes bare with me) So after those great adventures I decided that I will never settle for less than that…. I have yet to meet her but I will!
So again back to my journey of observing the emotionally challenged all started with my first gf and unfortunately almost every gf for that matter... I do believe the 1st one is what got this all started… She was considered a “Hot Mess” this word was possibly coined on her behalf; actually I am almost positive it was :). She did have some good qualities she was very sexy with confidence(arrogance), her body was insane, she was smart and fun. She seemed at the time to be loyal and honest and she made me feel so loved and so beautiful at first. But she had this “I don’t deserve love complex and I will do anything to sabotage it” Here hobbies were far from candle light dinners and long walks on the beach.. She loved lying and cheating and making excuses for it... the bad timing excuse or the we rushed things excuse or the I just love both of you excuse hahhaha that was my fav. She had a fear of losing control and really opening herself up to real love. She had the "I will hurt you before you hurt me” mentality. I thought getting into this kind of relationship was a one time thing. I never thought that I would encounter these women over and over again but I did. I know that it’s not entirely me or me just picking the wrong woman. I just believe there are a lot of broken ones out there... We all have problems and issues… and if I am honest I never knew so many people with these problems and issues. In my former life you know the straight one I lived in before I high tailed it out of the closet. I actually had decent and healthy relationships for the most part… of course there was the I am gay thing but that was deep inside… it was probably the big reason my relationships didn’t end up in marriage.. But the day to day fundamentals of a healthy relationship were there. But with my lesbian ex's some of these have been serious physiological and emotional problems. I have talked to so many of my friends in detail and even random women over the years and they have almost the same stories as me. They have been encountering some of the same women in some cases years before I ever did. The emotionally bankrupt woman. The women we seem to share a commonality with seem to be women who are living their past problems from childhood or having a hard time “cutting the co-dependency Cord” with the ex girlfriends. I have dated a generous amount of women (usually just 1st dates) and I realize that I run into the same thing a lot. I have noticed this with girl after girl… date after date and relationship after relationship… they all start out as if heaven parted and dropped off “The One” Ya right (an exaggeration for affect ha-ha ) but only a short time later if we are lucky we get to find out about all of their baggage, their insecurities and emotional capacities of a rock. Doesn't anyone value themself enough to do some work on themself... gosh if therpy is too expensive grab a self help at the library it will do wonders...( I don't know who I am kidding what lesbian doesn't have a therapist?) I think you get one when you come out and you get your lesbian card. These women all claim to want the samethings love and happiness but so many of them can’t figure out how to get from A to B all in one piece. I have watched some of these women actually thrive on living their problems and enjoying the emotional drama. I honestly don’t believe that a lot of them are “living consciously” I find that some of these women can’t live without the drama of sorts and it ranges from childhood abuse and emotional scaring… bad parents... gosh some are messed up on a smaller smaller scale like "their ex girlfriends" they consider them their pervious “soul mates” and their” best friend”. They all seem so afraid to cut the cord to their baggage. They try and stay friends with women that fked them over lied and cheated on them and do things most won't speak of and then they have the nerve to look at you in the eye and tell you these broken ass bitches are their friends hahaha!!!
I have a friend one day say to me: Jessieca you give out the label friend too easily you should evaluate what a friend is and only label those who deserve it. (Yes she is wise)
I so love the women that have these issues and have all this drama with an ex relationship that when it is brought to their attention and they get so defensive and always turn it around on you. But I guess being a victim in life it’s probably hard to point the finger and reflect on how to make it your life better. I guess they can’t be "the victim” and the “bad guy” at the same time… They rarely step up to the new relationship with 100% to give and 100% to offer… My thought on this if you really do want true happiness you need to let go… You need to go for it… go all in... Shoot for the stars hahaha I am sure you get the point. But if so many say they want true love and happiness then why do so many chose to be unhappy? Why do so many choose to struggle when it’s so much easier to thrive? I know finding the right person to live your happily ever after with isn’t always the easiest. So why do so many woman make it so complicated? Break The Cycle ladies everyone will benefit !!! :)

Unconditional Love is rare!!!

2011-04-17T22:00:00.000-07:00

I still haven’t figured out why I love blogging and do so little of it. But I guess lately I have had many excuses and finally starting to take time for myself again. I have plenty of time to do so because I have recently lost my job in past 2 weeks. At 1st it was a shock I felt so betrayed and so set up but at this moment I am happy it’s over and done with. I was living to work and not working to live there is a difference and I am ok with the change it’s been a big change. But this was such a small obstacle in my life compared to the one obstacle that was scale tipping back in February and that’s the main reason for this blog. I have been wanting to write about the death of my grandmother but have been searching for the courage and strength to do so. So this beautiful Sunday afternoon I am going to share the story that lead up to my biggest heart break of my life. I am still unsure of my feelings I am so much more lost without my angel, my biggest fan, who is my grandmother….. I guess I will have to start this blog with you getting to know her when she was alive, maybe that will help you grasp my Love for her.
My beautiful grandma was the biggest supporter of me no matter what. I could be or do anything and she would have been so proud of me. I have no one on this earth that feels that way about me she was the one and only. When I “came out” she didn’t blink nor judge the words that came out of her mouth as long as you are happy. (I know how lucky I am.)
My grandmother was a simple woman who has never asked for much in life. I always wondered why that was but she was very content so instead of questioning it I was envious in a way. Her simplicity had made it extremely difficult to buy her gifts during holidays and birthdays. She unlike so many others didn’t struggle much through hard economic times when she was growing up; her family had a little money. I only know this through a few brief stories that she shared with us sporadically throughout her life, and one that she shared once was about a stepdad of hers that ran off with all of her mother’s money. After that my grandmas life became simple, non materialistic and just a matter of survival. Like most people of her generation things like finances and immediate family matters such as abuse and alcoholism were not spoken of. At some point my grandma at a very very young age was pregnant with my 1st aunt, then another aunt followed and another along with several relationships and marriages and later my mother came along. Over the years I have heard stories of my grandmother being an alcoholic. I have even seen pictures of her with a beer, but in my life time and my memories I never knew her in that way. Around or shortly after I was born she quit drinking “cold turkey” my grandparents would always use that term when they would share their success story of the day they decided to stop drinking. Years later they both quit smoking the same way as well.
My mom was pregnant with me at 15yrs old so very young and shortly after that my stepdad took on the responsibility of supporting her and her unborn baby “me.” They were married a month after my 1st birthday. We were a family for whatever reason they decided to try and make the best of life, the situation and like most children they wanted better for themselves than either of them had growing up so they packed up their life and me in Washington state and we headed to Colorado where we resided for 15 yrs. During our life in Denver I only got to know my grandma over the phone and the few visits a year she would make it out to see me. I’m sure she was there to visit everyone but I was a kid and a kid always believes it’s all about them  The time I did spend with her she would take every opportunity to hug me and to tell me how much she loved and cared for me. When I was a teenager I would call her when my parents were being parents and torchering me with their rules under their roof kind of stuff, I could call my Gramms and tell her they are being so mean to me and I want to come to live with her. ha She use to say “I know they are honey and of course you can come live with me” haha I of course like every kid would get over it and of course never did nor could I really have ever moved but it was a nice fantasy and it was even nicer to have someone in my corner. I had never experienced that not even with my own mother who was stressed out and extremely busy being the “perfect wife” at the time and raising 4 kids that she didn’t have time for, it was few and far between moments to even catch her on a day where she would give any kind of time to us. She had her reasons but I love you and hugs were never a part of our life. Again that’s a whole other blog that when I am brave enough someday I will tell and share my point of view. But for now this is about my gramms.
My parents two weeks before my 16th birthday moved our family to a tiny town in Iowa and 5 months later packed us up again and moved us to WA. Finally I was close to my grandma, I loved being there I had a few summer trips to Washington before we moved out and my experience was always amazing. Those summers I had freedom for the 1st time to be me and figure out what I liked and she didn’t judge me or have the strict expectations of me that I had become accustom to in my household. One of my best summers consisted of me hanging out with my cousin eating tomatoes off these huge beautiful plants my grandma had grew, she had a green thumb like no one I have ever seen the tomatoes were 101s. Someday I will have a garden where my primary tomatoes will be yummy 101s... That summer I even got to ride a scooter that my grandfather owned… chase and catch lizard’s and eat ice cream every day. More than anything that summer having my grandma shows me that I was so special and real unconditional love and tons of hugs. 
My grandma wanted me to be me whoever that was and she would love me. I remember at one point when I was 17 I went and lived with my grandma and grandpa. I wanted to be a normal teenager and not the perfect robot I was supposed to be. I didn’t change much living with her but for the first time I could actually leave the house with a friend if I wanted. The funny part is just because I had the freedom didn’t mean I abused it most nights I stayed home loving my grandma.. She would make me bacon in the morning for breakfast and I would eat strawberry ice cream with my grandpa every night. My grams and I slept out on her pull out couch (my grandparents never slept in same bed or same room my whole life they were more like roommates then lovers and it wasn’t for old fashion reasons it just was, we never really asked why.) My grandma and I would stay up late nights and play the original Nintendo she had a new addiction now and it went by the name of Dr. Mario, Tetris, and side pocket and she would get real crazy some times and play yoshi cookie hahaha  Gosh I miss her. I remember when I didn’t have a driver’s license she would drive me to tanning salons, shopping and my job basically anywhere else I wanted to go she nicknamed herself the “grandma taxi.” I was so grateful to her and I don’t know besides unconditionally loving her that I ever thanked her for taking me in and giving me a brief taste of teenage normalcy. Thank you Grandma!
We all grow up eventually and some of us move away and after looking at my life and what it was at the time and what it could be I decided to move to the big city when I was 22. The best decision I have ever made. It has made me a strong independent woman that my grandma told me all the time that she was so proud of. I am who I am today partially because of my grandma’s love and hugs the only ones I had ever received in my memory is the ones she had given me. She has showed me an idea of how to love and care for someone the way they deserve. Again I am thankful for all those hugs and support.
The one thing that came with being the granddaughter of a worrier like my gramms is a lot of phone calls asking me if I am ok in the big bad city. She was so cute my whole life in WA she always listened to a police scanner so if I was out and about, or if anything happened like as a teenager if I or one of friends were pulled over for speeding she would know first. hahaha she was so cute. Well she didn’t have a scanner station for Seattle so the 5oclock news is all she had to go on, so anytime there was snow, wind, or an ice storm, car accident or a gunshot you bet I was the first to get a call “are you ok?” ha-ha I was watching the news she would say and Seattle has no power she linked me and where I lived as the whole coast. If she heard about a shooting that in all actuality happened over an hour drive away she would check to make sure it wasn’t me or someone I knew hahaha that wasn’t always true but trust me when someone that loves you like she does she will let you know.
As I have been writing this I realized that I just wanted to write this blog about her and some of our time and memories together. I planned on writing about the last weeks of her life but that story has so much love, passion, and sadness so I will save that for a blog of its own. Like I said earlier I am in the process of trying to find employment so that will allow me a bit more free time to blog  I have a lot more to share about her but wanted to get the happiest stuff out 1st. I love my grandmother and miss and think of her every single day. She has left me a few simple legacy’s to pass on one is her potato salad recipe and the other is her big kind heart and a way of showing you unconditional love if I chose to have children or a partner they will get a true love right from my heart and be fed well hahaha. I am so lucky I get to keep the memories fresh and alive in my heart and mind on who she really was and what she really meant to me. Love you Grandma!!!!

Lost with the hope to be found!

2010-10-20T21:04:00.000-07:00

Finding my way at 32 how did I get so lost? :) When I decided to write this blog it wasn't because I'm bitching about my life or that I'm extremely unhappy because actually I'm pretty happy and pretty content almost too content because something inside me wants more from life than just being content. I want more questions answered and I want more of a purpose. I want the answers to who, why, what, where. For starters what does my future look like? But here I am today struggling...
Lost and confused possibly like so many others. But I decided to write as I find my way through my struggles and reach my destination in life... Gosh really I just want a decision, a path, some direction or a big neon arrow heck I'll take a neon arrow that the bulbs are burnt out in an arrow that points saying go this way or that way haha.
A few years ago I "came out" (a whole other blog btw) thinking maybe this was the answer the key to my happiness. But if we take a little journey in time ummm let's say high-school again a time in my life where I was lost just as I am now.
I remember sitting in high school my senior year while everyone was making plans for college and their futures there I sat wondering what the hell I should do w/ myself. I know I didn't have endless amounts of money for college but I know somehow it could have been possible with hard work and dedication but that was just it what was my dream what was I going to do once I got there, who did I want to be? So from that day forward I decided college wasn't for me because I couldn't afford to spend money and struggle for the unknown. I know some people say well once you go to college you'll figure it out but I didn't have the resources to spend time to figure it out. I also knew I wasn't like most of the women in my family or in my small town, I didn't have this strong desire to reproduce no real motherly instincts and no real desire to get married. I had grown up that this is what you do having a family is more important then anything, having a husband is where its at and that's where your success lies. But how could this be if it didn't feel right... After high-school I worked in a hardware store I know, I know not all of us have the big shiny dreams like I do in life.. But it really was just a job to help contribute and to be a productive member of society bring home and contribute to my household which was my boyfriend of 4 years and I at the time. That was me succumbing to the pressures. But I knew that playing house with a guy and having children wasn't what my life was all about. Being or playing the perfect housewife wasn't for me. But I didn't know exactly what was... So I made a huge drastic change, I packed up my brand new Nissan Sentra and headed to Seattle left my family, the boyfriend and everything I knew about life in my small but very comfortable town.. I considered myself a small town girl w/ a small town heart and big city dreams...
I had decided to move to Seattle to fulfill one of my dreams which was to become a flight attendant at Alaska Airlines which wasn't as easy as I thought since I'm only 5' tall and at the time there was height requirement. But before I got to Seattle I had already lined up a job as a nanny with a 2/12 and 4 year old... This was just to hold me over until I could find my way into my shiny new career as a young single women traveling from city to city and state to state country to country living out my biggest dream of all and that was traveling. It truly was the only thing I could ever see myself doing.... But there is only a few ways you get to experience this stuff and one if your rich (or marry rich), 2nd if you save money your whole life in crappy job and then reward yourself at a ripe old age of 65 or become a flight attendant or travel agent and the traveling becomes the perks... But unfortunately none of the above really happened for me. I guess I didn't make it happen for me. I decided to pick those innocent kids I that I worked for over myself (my 1st selfless act my 1st real adult decision possibly my 1st motherly instincts)... The kids had decent parents but the parents loved their fancy careers more then they loved being home and raising their children. It wouldn't be fair in saying this if I didn't say this was only my observation my side of it I was only 22 at the time and again I know it all :) but bottom line is those kids needed me... They needed someone who loved them and someone who would be there when they woke up in the morning that got them ready for school that packed their lunch, that volunteered in their classes, that was front and center at their kindergarten graduation and their gymnastics and swim lessons. I had made the decision right then and there that for as long as these children and their parents needed me I would be there 3 and 1/2 yrs later I finally had to move on the kids were in school full time and I was no longer needed it was bitter sweet.
It was once again a new beginning for me what should I do now... Flight attendant?? It didn't seem as appealing to me as it did before well the traveling did of course but the being away from my family on holidays and missing out on fun on the weekends with friends and never knowing when I was going to be working all the sudden not so appealing. I grew up and grew extremely close to my family who lived over 150 miles away. I decided on many of jobs no careers just wherever I landed and wherever my talents were put to good use. I worked as a wanna be travel agent for a fancy cruise line, then worked as an account/bookkeeper for an autobody shop and several years later that brings me to my current job again still not a career just a means to an end something that pays the bills. I actually don't mind my current job.... I have been working at it for over 3 1/2yrs now I make fairly good money and I really work from my blackberry answering e-mails most of my days while watching TV drinking coffee and sitting in my pjs. It does beat the 9-5 office job even though sometimes it gets a little groundhog day and now I find myself saying come on life what's next I need something more what do you have to offer me... What are my true passions what do I really what? Feels like my senior year all over again. I need a change and I need it now!

R U Kidding me? (My 1st Girlfriend)

2009-12-17T09:45:00.000-08:00

Ok so we will see where this goes, its worth a shot. I think it a crazy can't believe this happened to me story and worth sharing.... At the time I thought I went through hell and back so to speak, and thought should get something out of this besides a jaded opinion of gay women. ( I'll settle for the therapy they say you get when you write everything down) I was thinking maybe they can make a lifetime movie out of it, but I think she has to kill me or something so that's a no go... hahaha!
I know for sure I am not the only one this craziness happens to but really who goes and airs there own dirty laundry and as embarrassing as it is I do believe its worth telling!
Disclosure: For all my Blogs on This topic... Not all lesbians are like this if I use term "Lez game" "Lez Love" or I am sure I will have even more generalisations tag lines through out my blogs... but really should not be taken personally... its just my way of expressing my feelings and thoughts at the time of events and I am for the most part just poking fun at this whole experience so just try to enjoy it for what it is....

Title: R U Kidding Me?
I met (we'll call her "X") at work back in May 2007, I remember thinking when I met her "oh she must be the lesbian I was told about"...... I was curious yes but attracted to her no, not at 1st. I had crushes on other women at this point in life (they were all on TV) and she wasn't one of them... this could have been because at the time I had a boyfriend of 2yrs. But in Sept. my boyfriend and I broke up and I found myself one day sitting in our Tuesday work meeting and looking over at her very tan sexy legs... and thinking wow she is cute... much older of a women if I was ever going to be w/ one but she is pretty cute. (she was 42 but looked pretty damn good) So that point forward I put myself in every situation possible so we could work together.... She had a GF so I never did really go after her or let her know of my fantasy's of her. I started dating another guy for about a month (hating it deep inside) when all of this started... at the end of Nov. her and her GF of 7yrs had broke up and she was single and she wanted to confide in me... she couldn't deny our chemistry either at this point. So we started talking a bit.. On Dec.5th we decided to go out to a gay club on Capitol hill... over the years I was no stranger to these clubs but I wasn't a member at the time.... Anyhow we were hanging out drinking alot w/ friends and dancing our night away... Then she grabs me and kisses me... that was it that's all that I wanted that was what made sense... I had been suppressing this desire for so long.. and now I am in the moment that I had been waiting for and it was exhilarating!!! It was more then I had pictured in my head and was the "light bulb" moment "I am A Lesbian" ok it wasn't that cut and dry at 1st and that's a whole other blog... but really she had opened the closet door and I did not want to go back in.
I was so sure of myself that I called my mom the next day and said I am gay... (She was not super happy at this point, again another blog) So from that day forward X and I had spent everyday together, She spent alot of time at my apartment because her gf was still moving out of their house..... (Red Flag "Yes" and so many more as you read this blog... I believe sometimes you go through stuff to make you a better stronger person and this was one of those situations) At this point it x-mas time and we are lol falling in "lesbian love" or "U-haul love" hmmm unless you have been in this situation you won't truly understand but let me try to help.... women think were falling in love after the 1st date for the most part if were dating men or women.... However if your dating a guy you hold in all your crazy thoughts and feelings for a while at least until you think its safe and he's not going to bolt out the door.... when 2 women are dating well then you have 2 people with all of those gitty 'I love you" feelings and we feel like were on the same page right away, the finally this must be "it" because were both feeling "it" and oh were soooooo in LOVE and truly its only been a Month... :-) So the next logical step well why not move in together..... why wait we know all we need to know about eachother and the connection is undeniable....this all seem very logical at the time trust me none of us would do it if we thought it was crazy right?
Anyhow were 'in lez love" and I am shouting it from every roof top... and telling anyone who would listen. I even brought her home for x-mas to meet my family and at 1st being all very new it took a bit for them to warm up but after a day they thought she was amazing and they welcomed her back anytime, ( they were duped as well).
X's ex-Gf finally moved out and starting January it was just her and I... well silly me I thought it was just her and I....but the ex GF and later to find out my GF were not completely done they couldn't seem to completely let each other go and say good bye... "X" had many excuses and reasons and only her and her ex knows exactly what happened and why. I can only piece together what happened on my end. So "X's" excuses for talking to her ex every single day..many times a day on the phone "my ex is having such a hard time" "we were together for 7 yrs so its very hard on her" "I just don't want to hurt her anymore then I already have" "She has no one but me" Oh boy red flag, red flag... But me being new to the lez game and dating a master manipulator.... I actually found myself feeling bad for this ex-GF worrying about her feelings and finding myself asking if she was ok... Wow never had to worry about this when I use to date guys wtf I say to myself. Anyhow X's Ex was what I would like to call the dark passenger. Serial killers use this term to describe the part of them that wants to kill and destroy people.(Ok I have been watching a lot of Dexter) but really nothing fits better then to describe her ex then as the dark passenger in our relationship (who knew X was just as much a dark passenger as she was)... So far I have given you an Idea of where this is going.... and I am going to continue to blog about different events that took place in the very long 10 month relationship ( and I always refer to all my gay friends as is it "lesbian years"... I like to poke fun I can't help it but lesbian years for every month.... its like 6months... Kinda like dog years for every year it is like 7yrs lol) my blogs will be under the same label "My Love Life" but under different titles... so keep an eye out for them.... I have listed an outline of whats to come.... subject to change as I write of course so a rough outline.....

1.) Early betrayal First time she cheated

2.) What am I doing - Staying w/ her and trying to understand why it happened trying to make it work because I went out on a limb to be w/ her

3.) The Move (the Mistake)

4.) Our Beach trip- what I thought was one of the happiest weekends of my life

5.) Roller Coaster- our ups and downs well her ups and downs she loves me she loves me not

6.) Free the Frog- the strange tale of getting rid of stuff that I love and she doesn't understand setting my pets free into the wild because she didn't think they should be caged she should be caged

7.)Trip Home- Spending time w/ my parents and being pulled between my mom and her what a nightmare

8.) The Lie- Her weekend trip away w/ her sister oh wait actually w/ her ex

9.) The right thing- Moving out of the ranch house and in w/ my loving caring friends

10.) The wrong thing- Being convinced that she loves me and she was sorry and have a couple weeks away made her realize what she was losing. (Gag Me)

11.) Fresh Start- Our first place our new fresh start

12.) New Hell- Not a fresh start just fresh lies

13.) Final Straw- lying to me but hurting my friends in the process

14.) Escape Plan- plotting and planning my escape

15.) No Looking back- I am free

16.) The Man- Not a man for me one for her wow didn't see that coming no I did

17.) R U kidding me- an insight on who is she truly

18.) Me- who I am today and what I have learned getting another chance at love and life

Introduction

2009-12-15T10:55:00.000-08:00

Well straight out the gate minus the straight part.... I am a 1st time blogger and not even sure how to go about it. I decided I want to blog because it seems like a fun way for expression. I have a facebook and find myself excessively updating my status with funny stories that I run into through out my day.... (which annoys other FB users) So I was thinking lets Blog... (not sure if this means I am narcissistic or not)So hopefully everyone if anyone will bare with me as I grow through this experience.
So A little about me.... I absolutely use too many "...." "!!!!" I use "There" even if its suppose to be their, they're and an excessive amount of :) I am going to do my best to at least drop the smileys during my blogging experience.
I am a fun loving extremely happy person... I really do love my life and love what the world has to offer. I feel like I should take advantage of what the world has to offer more then I do and working on this for sure.
I live about 20mins from downtown Seattle, I moved here almost 10 yrs ago and feel very lucky to live in such a beautiful area... I am an hour or less away from beaches and mountains. I will tell you this for the people who don't know it doesn't rain as much as you might have heard... I think they just say this to keep people from moving here. We have fairly mild weather conditions.
I live in a condo w/ a great roommate, my 3lbs Yorkie Ms.Priss and my cat Pantara aka Smittens the Kitten she 14 and plays like a kitten.
I work at a great company where I have a lot of free time and get paid pretty well.
I am currently single... My girlfriend and I broke up back in Oct. when she was unfaithful...I don't hold grudges and wish her the best.
I have a wonderful family that consists of my Mom,Dad, 2 Sisters and 2 Brothers they live over in Eastern WA about 2hrs away... I also have a great group of friends, I have had some of my closest friends for over 15yrs. you'll probably hear a lot about the following people...
My best friend for over 15ys Hilary shes married to Kenny and they have a daughter named Alexa
My Best guy Friend Clay aka "My Gay boyfriend" Love him were super close and if I was into boys and he was into girls we would probably get married and live happily ever after... some might think its a cruel world when you meet your soul mate and there is no sexual attraction... but I say it just makes it that much more intimate...

Well I Guess for a introduction this a fairly decent start gives you a tiny picture of who I am... And now I can start blogging on topics and fun silly stuff along w/ stuff from my daily life... Hope I can capture you... it surely wont be because of my grammar or my spelling (thank gawd for spell check) that will do this but maybe you will be intrigued by my wit and charm.. haha We will see!!!